I’m A Dad

So I know you are used to Tianna and her amazing point of view, but today (should have posted weeks ago) I just want to share mine. Being a dad has been a dream of mine for so long. I am friends and family with a bunch a great fathers and couldn’t wait to join them in fatherhood. I have been an awesome uncle to 2 wonderful nieces and a godparent to 2 wonderful goddaughters and a godson. But deep down I always wanted my own. Then on May 1st it happened, Tianna after taking 3 tests showed them to me and I played down my excitement but was so hype. Yall already know the story about how we thought we were having a girl at first, so it was an even better surprise when I found out we were having a boy. I immediately went looking for Nike and Jordan onesies and bought his coming out the hospital onesies. The excitement of being a dad was at an all time high.

Then came that scary September morning. I remember Tianna thinking it was gas but tossing and turning all night. I ended up making a pallet and sleeping on the floor just to let her have the whole bed. Obviously you know what happens next so I won’t go over that again. I will just say I haven’t been more scared in my life for what was going on with my wife and son. I had to stay strong for her because if we both are panicking it would not be good for her or the baby. So I sucked up all my fear and kept a calm and cool demeanor for her. Inside though I was a nervous wreck. I remember talking to my mom as they we prepping Tianna for the C section and breaking down for like 10 seconds, crying like a baby to my mom and then was like nope can’t be doing this, sucked it up and got it together fast. I panicked one more time when it seemed like I couldn’t get anything to fit while prepping for her C section. A nurse came in seen me and got me together an I was ready to go.

Man let me tell you watching a C section live was wild. I seen all of Tianna’s inner parts hanging and pushed to the side. I watched them cut and rip her belly open. Never in my life did I expect to see that. But then the magic happened, they pulled my baby boy out and promise I could hear a little light cry come from him. I was so happy my baby boy and wife were ok and doing well it was like a weight off of me.

This time has been so crazy for us. Going back and forth to the hospital daily. Watching and enduring Xays ups and downs. Dealing with a wife you know to be so independent show so much vulnerability and emotion. This is not how I expected to start fatherhood but in life nothing ever goes as expected. I am enjoying watch Xays growth and development. I enjoy watching him interact with his mom. I love he already acts like his mom, even gives me her side eye look lol. It does get rough though. I almost had my first breakdown in front of Tianna the other day. His heart rate was super high and wouldn’t go down, and I just stood there for it seems like forever praying it would go down. I had tears in my eyes and just when I was about to break down I heard Tianna calling my name and snapped out of it. It just seemed like for every 2 or 3 good days he would have it would turn into 6 or 7 bad days. Watching him struggle to breathe, watching him “Roid Rage”, watching him be in pain and not be able to help has sucked. I feel like I can’t do my daddy duties and make it all better for him. This is so hard but I try not to waver and continue to stay strong for him and Tianna. He progression has been wonderful though. He has wonderful nurses taking great care of him. Getting to see him everyday also helps. As he is getting bigger and looking better I am getting more anxious to get him home.

Though not all the time, I am loving my wife let me be there for her emotionally. Just wish she would relax and not feel like she has to be superwoman 24/7 especially we she knows I have her back. I hate when she goes through something and I feel like I can’t help her or fix the situation. She is getting better at sharing that with me though which has been great. Through it all we have doing this together and I am so happy to have her as my wife and Xays mom. I know we have a long journey ahead of us, but I’m glad there she is here with me along for it.

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