This isn’t how I pictured celebrating 35…

In a perfect world, today I’d be at home snuggling with my 2 week old because he would’ve made it to his scheduled C-section date. He’d be all I care about even though the day was technically mine. But it’s not a perfect world so I will just sit in my 18 week old’s room, schedule a zoom session and read him a book since he’s still in Chicago. I can’t even travel out of the country like I normally do because I don’t want to be even further from the baby so this birthday just overall sucks.  Last night I had dinner and drinks with 2 of my good friends and it felt good to be able to laugh and feel some type of normalcy even for just a few moments. I still couldn’t help waking up with this little cloud of sadness, but then again that’s post partum for ya.

Anyways, we enjoyed our visit with the baby last weekend. I think he was happy to see us. I know we were happy to see him and get some snuggle time. He’s getting bigger and bigger and I’m even more in love with him. We came back home without him yet again because he needs to be evaluated in another week. His ROP is still at stage 3 and it’s advancing to stage 4 but not enough to get the surgery. The constant wait around is frustrating because it’s pushing him further behind in trying to get him off the ventilator and surgery for his hernia. We are trying to be patient but I’m ready to go off. At this point do the damn surgery so we can get him back here and start working on everything else. We are going on 4 weeks of him being up there and it’s time to go.